“Hurry up get on the ship or else your family will suffer”. We don’t have much time to find the lost treasure of Arabia before captain hook and his crew find it.
After sailing across the giant Alegria ocean for two weeks with no sleep and fighting against the choppy waters and only eating food out of a can we finally made it to the abandoned island. Our ship was no longer a ship and was now a shipwreck.
As we struggled onto the island I could feel all of my energy slowly draining after all of the sleepless nights out on sea. There were no shops or buildings anywhere to be seen so we had to build our own shelter out of sticks and leaves that we found laying around. I made a fishing rod out of some sticks and flax I had found. After we had finished building shelter and had eaten our cooked fish and eaten the wild berries we had found, we went to sleep and I actually got a decent sleep for the first time in weeks.
The next morning we woke up to the sun shining into our eyes and we went looking for the lost treasure. At last we finally made it to our destination out of the corner of my eye I could see captain hook and his crew stumbling around. I pointed them out to the rest of the crew. We then charged to the place where the treasure was said to be making sure not to be spotted. While the others were looking I wandered over to a rock to take a seat and suddenly. got an electric shock and the rock started to move. Shocked, I quickly got up and at last I found the treasure. I called over the rest of the crew and it turns out that the treasure wasn’t gold, it was actually...
Oh Lily you have produced a really good level of writing - I am really interested in knowing what the things was you were sitting on, i'm imagining all sorts of wild sea creatures. Look forward to Part two of this story.
ReplyDeleteKia ora Lily
ReplyDeleteThat's a nice piece of writing. I like the way you used shorter sentences in several places to speed up the action .. a great technique that helps build the momentum and pace of the story. The secret of good story telling is to 'show don't tell'. e.g. don't say 'the sun rose', say 'the light of the new dawn bathed the landscape in its orange glow' . I loved the sense of suspense you created at the end. Stories that leave the reader wondering, creating images in their own heads, are awesome.
I hope you keep writing (not necessarily this story, but just .. more!!)
Ka mau te wehi
Kia ora Lily. Wow, what a struggle it was to get to the island! You described the tough conditions very well. I also can imagine that feeling of waking up with the sun in your eyes when you're really tired! Great descriptive writing. Mrs Hastie
ReplyDelete